I was stunned.
I did not actually know he was coming. Oh, maybe I knew because i readied myself by looking at my watch ahead of time so that the encounter will be as fast as the breeze. By golly wow, i was wrong! (Seemingly, i still do not have a good grasp of the events - i would like to believe now that being hypnotized causes amnesia, at least partially.)
It happened so fast that a shortened period in school would not have won over. I was conscious. I was not asleep. I was responding like how a normal me would have responded to queries sent - in fact, i was even reactive. Gad! maybe my subconscious was really doing its part. I only found out that I was stunned when I woke up (which is weird since waking up is only for people who are asleep, which I was not).
I do not want to go into the details of the "happening" as i have told and re-told the story for a lot of times already and I am getting exhausted after every time. And every time that I tell, I sure as certain would have a (terrible) headache, then the heartache, then the eyeache. Maybe it will take a long time for me to figure out the answers to the many questions arising from the event. Maybe, if everything happens for a reason is true, it will take a long time for me to figure out why and what for.
It happened so fast that a shortened period in school would not have won over. I was conscious. I was not asleep. I was responding like how a normal me would have responded to queries sent - in fact, i was even reactive. Gad! maybe my subconscious was really doing its part. I only found out that I was stunned when I woke up (which is weird since waking up is only for people who are asleep, which I was not).
I do not want to go into the details of the "happening" as i have told and re-told the story for a lot of times already and I am getting exhausted after every time. And every time that I tell, I sure as certain would have a (terrible) headache, then the heartache, then the eyeache. Maybe it will take a long time for me to figure out the answers to the many questions arising from the event. Maybe, if everything happens for a reason is true, it will take a long time for me to figure out why and what for.
One thing you have to know though is to hold on to not talking to strangers as one lifelong lesson. But is never easy. I was told to lie low - stop being so friendly. On the next working day, when I was walking towards the bus stop with a friend, an old man approached me to ask directions. I paused, looked at him eye to eye and told him, in detail, how and where to go to the desired location. Oh boy! I could still remember how fierce the glare of my friend's eyes was at that time. See? One cannot just easily stop the world from taking it's normal, usual turn!
To date, I have been victimized by Mr. Scratchers twice (the very first assault was with a team of two, a knife and an involuntary, shock-induced shaking; the latest was the harmless, mind-paralyzing subtle attack). In total, I have had personal experiences with dugo-dugo gang, laglag-barya gang, physical assault, harassment, hypnotism (which I still cannot fully believe up until now), exhibitionist, even akyat-bahay gang.
I lost a lot.
I gave up a lot.
I cried a lot.
I should have been scared to the bones, but oftentimes I find myself braving the dark alley towards home - alone, unarmed and relying only on the moonlight to guide my path.
I should have been numb, traumatized by the many instances of bad luck, must have learned my lesson well but I cannot keep myself from riding my usual modes of transportation, from treading the same way to and from home, from being out in the open, from being exposed to the bad elements of the outside world. Life must go on. Yes, the world may have been so opportunistic of naive, nice-looking (ahem) individuals like me, but what is life without being part of the world? I still remember Mama consoling me with: never mind, those are just things, life is just really so hard these days that other people resort to bad moves...what else can you say?
I have never been mad at them. I am even grateful for them for making my life richer by experience. Not that I desired those things to happen to me, but looking back, each instance challenged me well enough that I have learned lessons on letting go and being grateful for what remains. As the song goes, sometimes life clips your wings while you are in mid-air. One just needs to be hopeful and courageous to always start anew (ie after the gangs leave you broke :) New things always come anyway.
P.S. It just occurred to me, maybe there is a superhero/superpower sleeping inside me. Remember those movies when superheroes realize their powers when they have been beaten, or almost scraped out of life? I do not think I would want to end up being hold-up princess (i ain't big enough to be a queen :D) for no reason. ;-D
Shalom!
To date, I have been victimized by Mr. Scratchers twice (the very first assault was with a team of two, a knife and an involuntary, shock-induced shaking; the latest was the harmless, mind-paralyzing subtle attack). In total, I have had personal experiences with dugo-dugo gang, laglag-barya gang, physical assault, harassment, hypnotism (which I still cannot fully believe up until now), exhibitionist, even akyat-bahay gang.
I lost a lot.
I gave up a lot.
I cried a lot.
I should have been scared to the bones, but oftentimes I find myself braving the dark alley towards home - alone, unarmed and relying only on the moonlight to guide my path.
I should have been numb, traumatized by the many instances of bad luck, must have learned my lesson well but I cannot keep myself from riding my usual modes of transportation, from treading the same way to and from home, from being out in the open, from being exposed to the bad elements of the outside world. Life must go on. Yes, the world may have been so opportunistic of naive, nice-looking (ahem) individuals like me, but what is life without being part of the world? I still remember Mama consoling me with: never mind, those are just things, life is just really so hard these days that other people resort to bad moves...what else can you say?
I have never been mad at them. I am even grateful for them for making my life richer by experience. Not that I desired those things to happen to me, but looking back, each instance challenged me well enough that I have learned lessons on letting go and being grateful for what remains. As the song goes, sometimes life clips your wings while you are in mid-air. One just needs to be hopeful and courageous to always start anew (ie after the gangs leave you broke :) New things always come anyway.
P.S. It just occurred to me, maybe there is a superhero/superpower sleeping inside me. Remember those movies when superheroes realize their powers when they have been beaten, or almost scraped out of life? I do not think I would want to end up being hold-up princess (i ain't big enough to be a queen :D) for no reason. ;-D
Shalom!
