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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

ONLY ONCE, NOT TWICE

The past week showed off with second chances coming only once in a lifetime.

Business meetings not happening translated to zero income, negative market value, return of investment happening over an extended period of time.

One roundabout of the seconds hand spelled out the difference between success and failure. Twenty-nine more rounds distingusihed loyalty and trustworthiness from irresponsibility, unrealiability and, sometimes, unfaithfulness.

Going the extra mile is not anymore intended for excellence, not even satisfaction, but merely for coming in terms with the minimum expectations.

Catching of breath is an understatement. The closer I get to the goal, the more I realize how very little time I have left as every second counts as precious as life support.

Missing-in-action. Miscalculations. Misdemeanor. Mis-judgement (if there is such a word). It seems like the world is so strict and stern that mistakes are not allowed. Commit, with full awareness or none, and you will definitely have regrets if you fail to deliver. As they say, ignorance of the law excuses no one.

The very recent past has put me into a coma state. Maybe due to the irregular hibernating pattern, maybe due to the foreign substance I have been voluntarily ingesting, or simply, maybe to the mundane cycle that life is--where challenges are many, and triumphs are overrated.

How do you deal with tomorrows when you failed doing something in the past? Would that tomorrow be entirely different than what you are supposed to have (and enjoy)? How will you live in the present if the past haunts you with undeniable guilt and regret for failing to do the basics?

Yes! Admit it.
For once, or twice, or even more than thrice in your life (or, maybe just for mine), you have been subjected to the torture brought about by time not favoring your side. This event is camouflaged by the big T, which in layman's terms - or in handbooks, rule books for companies, schools and other institutions - is identified, defined and described as the act of tardiness.

Imagine: CLASPED HANDS while praying for your bestbuddy - the machine - to boot up quickly so you can pull up your tools before your first client for day while your HEART BEATS at double the normal rate while your catching up through DEEP or short, quick BREATHS while you are frantically wiping PERSPIRATION off your WORRIED FACE while thinking about RESTroom trips while considering REGRETS for not acting earlier while doing your best to get rid of the PANIC-ky feeling consuming your whole being. UTTER CHAOS! By then, you would have already formed a to-do list, if not an advanced new year's resolution, so as to be confidently and comfortably early the next day.

Lucky you if you a have a very understanding bestfriend who waits for you and tells you to take your time whenever you are late for a date.
Lucky you if you have an accommodating supervisor who dodges official written reprimands for a few instances of being late.
Lucky for you if you are not racing against a last full show, or the last mass, or the last trip, for you will always have the chance to take the next one.

(c) Google Images

But life is not life without its share of uncertainties and unfortunate events. Hauling back home a car-load of luggages and big B boxes just because you missed the flight just because you were tardy is too much to think about, what more to bear. Although my once-upon-a-time tardiness has put me right in the center orchestra for the Miss Saigon show (ie, instead of in the balcony with my classmates who had the same discounted ticket as mine), taking chances with time is like expecting miracles to happen everyday, and as you wish.

It is true that we cannot ALWAYS be at the right place at the right time. And sometimes, being at the wrong place at the right time is a moment as precious as having a second chance at life.

Tardiness has caused me so much distress to the point of being under duress. With a few instances, I have endured the shameful, guilty feeling and the physical discomfort. It is so easy to feel horrible for not living up to basic expectations. But truth be told, I do not have total control of how events involving myself will unfold. (think of manong fx driver who reasonably prioritizes income over arrival time, or an unanticipated super-heavy traffic).

Looking at the brighter side, I have learned to be kinder not only to myself, but to others as well who/which, in one way or another, have contributed to my tardiness count, or for those who have made me wait. I have come to accept that whatever happens, happens for a reason - this widens the horizon by making me more understanding of the situation, more forgiving for it makes me humble, more patient and more hopeful and excited for the next chance to do better. Knowing that there is always a tomorrow to makeup certainly makes you look forward to it. Just do not get stuck with always "looking forward". Habitual tardiness is never an option.

So if you get stuck* and is running late, just live with it. Love the slow motion life that gives you a chance to smell the flowers. And, if worse comes to worst, learn to laugh at it! Ciao!


*getting stuck is meant to mean having done all your best but to no avail.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

TIME CHECK: The PAST O'CLOCK

In the midst of searching for a very important document (which is the subject of another article in the collection), I happen to chance upon drafts of missives I have shared and distributed to people of my past (for I do not have any inkling as to where and how they are as of the moment.

It was almost summertime if my recollection is right. It was time to bid goodbye and time to fill the gap with moments worth keeping.  Between the recent end and the upcoming, fast approaching, new beginning is a gap so void-like that uncertainties, anxieties and wishful thoughts race their way to fill it up. I am sure that everyone was able to survive the flash flood. I believe all of us were able to move on and forward.

Herein I include samples of what transpired during the interim separation. Let them be food for your recollection. I wonder where these have led the recipients to. I wonder how far these have moved them so. I felt a lil twinge when I read through. Haha! I felt so detached from the one who was the source who was the author who is me. Has the gap eaten me alive? I hope not. J

(Recipients are not actually named for security and privacy reasons…if you know what I mean ;-)


DRAFT 1:

Dearest Jane,
Are you, in any way, related to Veronica? She really looks just like you! Your long-lost sister maybe....haha! I hope the first lines made your imagination work (a bit). I really admire your artworks and Ms. Art Teacher is so proud of you. I am too! I hope that you keep up the good work and keep improving your craft. Invite me to your exhibit ha? You know how to contact me. Godbless in your endeavours! May this picture help inspire you. Go and make the world a more beautiful place! J

Queenstown 2009

DRAFT 2:

Dearest Joyce,
My fondest memory of you would be the moments when you simply allowed me to call you Joyce, even with the smirk on your face hahaha! I know we have not “bonded” that often but I always feel your presence in the classroom, even without words said, heard, or noticed. J Thank you for the smile, and for being easy to be with. This picture is of a Makahiya plant...its leaves would shy away when touched. Interestingly amazing, ayt? Just like you – with your mystifying smile! :D May you continue to spread the love with your candidness, sincerity and amiability. Till we meet again! God bless you!

Queenstown 2009

DRAFT 3:

Dearest Veronica,
You are ‘small but terrible’, quiet but with a voice so powerful!
You have amazed me in many counts; for your presence, I am grateful! 
For the very supportive gestures in early morning sessions,
For the easy smile and undivided attention during discussions,
For the hand-drawn bulletin board decoration,
Merci mademoiselle, yours is my admiration.

Queenstown 2009

DRAFT 4:

Dearest Isabel,
Since that afternoon when you hypothesized that I was an anti-matter kind of creation, I have been so relieved...I thought I was weird, but I found out you are a bit weirder than I am! That makes me more normal. Bwahaha! :D  I hope, though, that you were able to gather enough information through the year to finally come up with a sound conclusion as to what I am really made of. J I will miss you and our “educational” banters. May this picture remind you that the world is so wide and that inquisitive beings like you will always find satisfaction in its material and immaterial realms. May you continue your exploration, enriching both you and your next “subject/s of inquiry”. Ask. Learn. Master. Share. God bless you!

Anawangin 2010
 
DRAFT 5:

Dearest Bernadette,
Time flies as fast as the golden snitch! It seems like I have just welcomed Older Sister to my Physics class, and now I am bidding you goodbye. :”(  But I believe we had time well spent. Thank you for reminding me that I can be (if not yet) young (younger than my age hahaha!) forever. Though we age with the Harry-Ron-Hermione gang, magic - in all its forms - will keep us at our best, that is, alive and kicking! You may not have the wand to call out “Reparo!” to undo mistakes, or “Lumos” to avoid getting in touch with the dark and dangerous elements of the world out there, but you have you and Him to win over the dementors. :) May this picture remind you of Hedwig, and all the wonders of the world. Stay young and excited. Make the world more wonder-ful with your magical presence! J

Baluarte 2009


I hope this reminiscing has brought back nothing but the happy memories of the past. For the meantime, may we all enjoy the beautiful, mysterious, amazing, wonderful and magical world where we belong. Ciao!


Yours truly,
TicToc J