HOME ALONE

(LATE ENTRY: Written Christmas Day of 2007)

I am home alone. I am supposed to be back in the province but something happened and for the first time, God literally showed me that He has the upper hand. I was not able to reach the airport in time for my flight and I almost spent the day waiting for vacant seats homebound as a chance passenger. It was THE peak season and I was sure that I was not going to be lucky. I was right. At mid-day, I decided that it was better to have my flight re-scheduled than to spend the day and the next day in line with other co-people who were waiting for only-God-knows-what.

I came to my home base still struggling to know what I had to gain from the experience. First and foremost, it was my being late and my irresponsibility that caused the whole hulabaloo of it (as my sister phrased it, the event was a very good addition and conclusion to my list of 2007 misfortunes). No rationalizing needed. Simply, I was late (again, and this was to the highest level). But something deep inside convinces me to believe it was God's will. It could not have happened if it were not because He allowed it to happen; but this did not answer my question.

On the way to the airport, I have been thinking about what-ifs. What if I will not get there on time? What if I will be left behind? What if something awful happens? What if I get there just in time for my flight, would I see God grinning? Would He reward me for being clever? Would He bless me more for being so sure and right? Maybe God was not so busy during that early morning that the answer rained down on me brighter than the first sun rays. The pilot left me behind. Ugh! No more blessings. No more grinning from Him above.

It was the first time ever that I was home alone on Christmas eve and Christmas day itself. I have not been much into thinking because I was so stressed out and tired and weak that I fell asleep minutes after my sister left. I have not eaten any festive Christmas Eve dinner, have not dressed into fancy Christmas outfit, have not opened any Christmas ooh-ing present and I so missed the company of co-people. I planned to (as I almost always do when it come to being with Him) visit Him and be merry with other co-people but my mind was willing and my flesh was weak. If ever Santa came hurrying down the chimney at night, I would not have noticed him. Besides, my home base does not have any chimney to hurry down through. ;-)

I woke up early, at 2 am. Maybe my mind was telling me to prepare for my flight (that is the result of a lesson learned the hard way: you really, really learn it). My phone gave me only two choices: whether to go check out my inbox or delete overflowing messsages. Grateful that He granted me the right mind to opt for the better choice, I read the messages from well-wishers. (At least I had a taste of the season). I assumed invisibility since I was alone and it was hard for me to respond to any of the senders. I did not mind whether the well-wisher belonged to the VIP or to the ordinary heart-space bracket. All of them got the same treatment. Just like that, I slept again. I wondered how many long hours I have to spend for sleep till the year ends.

It was a new day! It was Christmas day! I had visions, not the same with what Jacquelane (a character in the book I am reading) had though...mine was less spooky, less morose though there were hints of gloom in some parts. I planned ahead again...many things left to do with just equally enough minutes to do them. Yeah...meet Him at His home...but the magic book got the better of me and I spent countless seconds deep into it that the plan was yet another plan.

I went downstairs to wash my trip-home wardrobe (I am determined to prove to whoever interested that the "luck" of my being leaven is not due to what I was wearing). I bathed (gosh! was it another reflection on my face?) I dined (my Christmas feast consisted of fresh cabbage and a slice of cheese sandwiched between two freshly-baked wheat bread and a cup of usual, ordinary day energy drink of 2:1 Milo and milk combination). I went back to the magic book. It has been giving me inspiration since I got hold of it that I was finding it difficult separating it from my system until I get all that it wanted to tell me.

My NRBF8 texted for the 4th time and I was tempted to become invisible again and share with her some realization I got regarding reasns why I was home alone but decided not to. I was sure that she can use the time to rest and deal with herself more if I were not to enter into her Christmas picture. Well, she will miss me, and I miss her as well but God knows why things happen and though I don't know His reasns yet, I believe it is only for the good.

So what did I deduce from all the contemplating? Here's a list of some of them:

1. that Santa does not really appear on Christmas Eve and grant everybody's wishes. The wish is granted before he even shows up.

2. that not all people will care about you in the same way. It is quite hurting and painful sometimes that some would only consider your fault and not look for your welfare (not that they do not really care; maybe they are just upset).

3. that you are fave of your fave, you are loved by who you love.

4. that not all people will remember you enough for them to conquer the distance just to show you how they feel about you and that there are those who are stubborn enough to let important days pass without notice of whether they are still alive or not (talk about bitterness haha!).

5. that life is not always what you ex[ect it to be or as it appears to be.

6. that good things happen out of misfortunes. I would not be having these realizations on record if I was not home alone now. God has a way of making one feel blessed despite everything wrong that occurs. I am convinced that I am blessed. I have actually received a lot of those blessings...some were in disguise though...

7. that God is loving and caring. He has blessed me enough to assure me that I can overcome the Stress of being left behind. ;-)