Fifth of August Year Twenty Ten
Sober's Place
What is happening? I have been through survival mode of living and I am feeling that the burden gets heavier and heavier everyday. I am like a walking zombie. Even this time I am spending with you is ill-gotten. What have I been doing to myself, thy Temple? I have been so unkind, and unjust, I am so sorry. Even the consequences of my ill-actions - I have failed to heed.
With almost no more to give, I wonder how I manage to survive the increasingly demanding cycle that life is. I know that I am doomed as I sometimes (more frequently these past few days) find myself lost in thought and more careless of what might happen.
Yes, I might be having early signs of deterioration. I might be old but I am too young for such cases of Alzheimer's disease, dementia or amnesia.
I am not hoping for this year to be the best. I just hope to get over the last leg of my soon-to-be only formal experience of being employed. I love kids. I love being with them. I love answering and asking questions. I love exchanging ideas with people, especially young ones. But lately, the job that's supposed to be the perfect venue for all the love to perpetuate has been numbing off, little by little, some love lost day by day.
I lose enthusiasm and the energy to keep reaching out and doing my best. The demand is so overwhelming that only a little amount of supply remains.
Initially I thought that I was giving up. Like I wasn't up for the challenge anymore. So far I have been with 90% complaints and only 10% compliments. Next thought: I am a failure. But looking at it through a more recent angle, I realized, the feeling has gone from surrender to acceptance. Maybe, I am just not equipped enough anymore...how could I give what I do not have?
I rest my case for now. Maybe a diversion could help...maybe not! So help me, God.
Sober's Place
What is happening? I have been through survival mode of living and I am feeling that the burden gets heavier and heavier everyday. I am like a walking zombie. Even this time I am spending with you is ill-gotten. What have I been doing to myself, thy Temple? I have been so unkind, and unjust, I am so sorry. Even the consequences of my ill-actions - I have failed to heed.
With almost no more to give, I wonder how I manage to survive the increasingly demanding cycle that life is. I know that I am doomed as I sometimes (more frequently these past few days) find myself lost in thought and more careless of what might happen.
Yes, I might be having early signs of deterioration. I might be old but I am too young for such cases of Alzheimer's disease, dementia or amnesia.
I am not hoping for this year to be the best. I just hope to get over the last leg of my soon-to-be only formal experience of being employed. I love kids. I love being with them. I love answering and asking questions. I love exchanging ideas with people, especially young ones. But lately, the job that's supposed to be the perfect venue for all the love to perpetuate has been numbing off, little by little, some love lost day by day.
I lose enthusiasm and the energy to keep reaching out and doing my best. The demand is so overwhelming that only a little amount of supply remains.
Initially I thought that I was giving up. Like I wasn't up for the challenge anymore. So far I have been with 90% complaints and only 10% compliments. Next thought: I am a failure. But looking at it through a more recent angle, I realized, the feeling has gone from surrender to acceptance. Maybe, I am just not equipped enough anymore...how could I give what I do not have?
I rest my case for now. Maybe a diversion could help...maybe not! So help me, God.
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