MY ONLY HOPE

Almost a year ago, we bade farewell. But it seems that a year hasn't passed at all. I still remember you. Though I may not be able to instantly recall details of the moments we shared, rest assured that they are deep within my system. So here is to commemorate your first year away from what you considered second home, to celebrate  your successful freshman year, and to somehow lead you back to where we first, and last, met and greeted each other. Vous me manquez, Hope!

(The following is an excerpt of a story I told those who wanted to know how it had been with you. I have not been able to give the speech before we parted ways . I hope this somehow makes up for it. ;-)

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Which class is...?

Loud. Rowdy. Generally late in submitting requirements. Insolent (1). Audacious. Unsympathetic. Defiant. Very Challenging.

Yes. If you have met them in person, even for once in your life, those clues are more than enough for you to make a very good guess. You might be ecstatic if you will be able to guess it right. But I will be sad. Being able to correctly identify the class using those clues only means that they are very effective in making themselves famous...though not in a good way.

HOPE.

Heaven On Planet Earth. (2)

Again...Again...

HOPE.

Help. Oh Please Explain...(3)

Perhaps my greatest achievement as a mother duck for the school year was living and dealing with once-tagged (almost) hopeless Hope, and successfully staying alive and kicking up until graduation time.

I have never been as busy as a bee in my entire advising experience. My ten-minute homeroom period meetings with them were not sufficient - it was like each one in the class needed one-on-one interaction! Even teachers individually met with me for class concerns (you know, the usual noise, non-submission, non-compliance, aggression, non-performance, lacking or wrong uniform, etc.) Though most of them were easy to deal with, some put me to the test. Though they were fun to be with, their liveliness sometimes ate me alive (I was just lucky to have been resurrected every time).



photo from B119

But maybe Hope and I were meant to be together. Maybe Hope happened so that my experience will be made more complete. Their notoriety made the task more challenging. But do not get me wrong. They were not monsters or anything like that. They were Tin Men with hearts (4).

Together, we achieved many good things. We participated in school activities such as the school Fair and the Charity Fair. The class had the highest number of volunteers for the Immersion activity with SASS (although not all were allowed to go) -- the seemingly irresponsible, undependable students interacted well with, and willingly did the household chores for, their "foster families" (even trying all their might not to shout out loud with an ipis (5) in sight). Walang arte. Just pure intention to learn coupled with energy and effort to help. Oh, it was such a beauty to behold...a revelation, a realization that made me smile all the more. I was bursting with pride!

Hope made me laugh. But they made me ache, too! There were times when I felt like a failure for having the least amount of donations for the 12 Days of Christmas Project, for having the least number of attendees to the 75th Foundation Eucharistic Celebration, for receiving a number of SBF's and AFUF's and just one C4 Seal...but somewhere along the road, someone told me, Have a Little Faith (6)...the book's last line was..."I am in love with HOPE."

Sr. Irene (do you still remember her?) once related that priests are there to take care of their ministry, like how God takes care of His people. She said that perhaps, Hope is a ministry. I remember responding: "I think their priest wants to go on leave." But I remained. Hope and I labored together. Hope and I failed together. Hope and I experienced things together. Hope and I made memories together.

Now, I only have gratitude for the year that was - happy and proud that all of Hope graduated without a hassle (no one for removal examinations, yey!) and all of them with a college to go to. Perhaps it was just a matter of time, and of getting to know them better that ended the year well. They may have been all that was described up (^) there. But there is more to them than what meets the eye and ears. The Tin Men are lovable (with all their varied and various qualities) and loving beings. Call it tough, but I never really expected to have such affection for them. For me, it the greatest love.....err....achievement of all!

(c) M.O. 2011

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(1) One Friday afternoon, in the library, where some of the Hopefuls and I were huddled in one table...
      English Teacher: *mad*shouting* "Ms. Tan, your class is so insolent!"
      Me: *puzzled*frozen*distressed* "Sorry, Ms."
      Audience (library-goers): *shocked*

(2) Adopted from the class of Hope Batch 2004

(3) Thought bubble: "Why was I assigned to this class again? Hmmm, let's see..." 

(4) Tin Men = Tin's Men? Haha! Hello president TinYu!  :D

(5) cockroach; ipis just sounds better

(6) Have A Little Faith is a novel by Mitch Albom. Nice read!

THE ME & ME COMPANY

This is a secret: sometimes I am glad when he is gone.
Sometimes I enjoy being alone. It is like flying.

Maybe I have been living alone in the past and is so used to it that just a year of constant company sometimes feels suffocating. No offense meant - everybody knows I will not be complete without the company. It is just that sometimes, I prefer to have just-me-myself-and-I moments.

I am not a loner. Most people I know would say I am cheerful and philosophical*, sometimes sarcastic (from what I heard) - and you cannot be any of these three if you are all by yourself! I love being part of a company. I love doing things together with my brood, or dining out with my barkada, or going places with team mates, or working together with colleagues, even joking around with my old folks. But togetherness could sometimes be exhausting. I am sure it is not only true for me. There always comes a need for recharging and it is best done when you are on your own.

I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.
- Henry David Thoreau

 
1. I go on lone field trips. Perhaps the most remarkable one (with literal marks) was the 8-hour, mostly-on-foot tour I did around Manila, riding through the three train lines. I visited the artworks on display at the Megamall galleries, then museums from Fort Santiago to Luneta to Ocean Park traversing through Roxas as the sun sets to the Science Centrum in MOA, culminating in a fireworks display. The guard on duty at the US Embassy almost took my camera because I paused and took a picture of the light displays on the surrounding trees. What a recharging experience! :D

BLEAK: The US Embassy Scandal :-)

  2. I grab a book and get immersed in its pages so deeply (and undisturbed-ly) it would seem like I have taken a vacation off to the book's characters' world. I enjoy each page as the events unfold. I am able to visit various places, experience different cultures, get to meet other people and learn new/old-have-existed-before-me stuff. The most challenging read for me came from these two:

Left: An adventure yet to be completed. This book is a modern, more insightful version of Alice in Wonderland.
Right: An aging adventure: those with memory gaps, beware! The Buendias can get to your nerves :D

3. I write. Emotions are transformed into legible figures and characters, sometimes, they become emoticons too specially when I am lost in the me-me world through my doodles. Writings also come in the form of answers to Sudoku and crossword puzzles, or solutions to Physics word problems.

4. I walk a thousand steps without any specific direction in mind. I roam around the mall, frequenting either the bookstore or the DIY shops. I stroll through parks where I can enjoy my invisibility power despite many people around. My most-treasured walking moments would be those along the shore culminated by a sunset. Oh, I miss the province! :-(

5. I play with my camera, with the zombies, with Lex, with the jewels, with playing cards. I play dead (how's that?) I play recorded shows and/or downloaded TV shows.

My favorite TV shows

I walk alone. I skip gatherings. I dine alone. I go to church and sit on a pew - just killing time. I dream of long trips, sometimes enjoying the heavy traffic on my way home. I take some days off to enjoy me-time. Sometimes, I get mad just so people will leave me behind haha! Crazy! When the world gets too noisy, and there is no way for me to get away, I spend my me-time inside the comfort room, my area of refuge. There I read through verses and just let time pass while being alone with Him. There were times when I chose to be alone so I could cry. Believe me, crying is therapeutic. It makes laughing out loud such an easy thing to do. I just do not LOL when alone, I might be mistaken as a lunatic. But I smile. And when I do, that means I am ready to be with fellow human beings again.

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside,
somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank

BUT KEEP THIS in MIND:

If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company. :))
- Jean-Paul Sartre

*philosophical = state of "wayward" thinking, often expressed spontaneously making people either say haha while suppressing laughter, or just laughing out loud.