TIME CHECK: The PAST O'CLOCK

In the midst of searching for a very important document (which is the subject of another article in the collection), I happen to chance upon drafts of missives I have shared and distributed to people of my past (for I do not have any inkling as to where and how they are as of the moment.

It was almost summertime if my recollection is right. It was time to bid goodbye and time to fill the gap with moments worth keeping.  Between the recent end and the upcoming, fast approaching, new beginning is a gap so void-like that uncertainties, anxieties and wishful thoughts race their way to fill it up. I am sure that everyone was able to survive the flash flood. I believe all of us were able to move on and forward.

Herein I include samples of what transpired during the interim separation. Let them be food for your recollection. I wonder where these have led the recipients to. I wonder how far these have moved them so. I felt a lil twinge when I read through. Haha! I felt so detached from the one who was the source who was the author who is me. Has the gap eaten me alive? I hope not. J

(Recipients are not actually named for security and privacy reasons…if you know what I mean ;-)

DRAFT 1:

Dearest Jane,

Are you, in any way, related to Veronica? She really looks just like you! Your long-lost sister maybe....haha! I hope the first lines made your imagination work (a bit). I really admire your artworks and Ms. Art Teacher is so proud of you. I am too! I hope that you keep up the good work and keep improving your craft. Invite me to your exhibit ha? You know how to contact me. Godbless in your endeavours! May this picture help inspire you. Go and make the world a more beautiful place! J

Queenstown 2009

DRAFT 2:

Dearest Joyce,

My fondest memory of you would be the moments when you simply allowed me to call you Joyce, even with the smirk on your face hahaha! I know we have not “bonded” that often but I always feel your presence in the classroom, even without words said, heard, or noticed. J Thank you for the smile, and for being easy to be with. This picture is of a Makahiya plant...its leaves would shy away when touched. Interestingly amazing, ayt? Just like you – with your mystifying smile! :D May you continue to spread the love with your candidness, sincerity and amiability. Till we meet again! God bless you!

Queenstown 2009

DRAFT 3:

Dearest Veronica,

You are ‘small but terrible’, quiet but with a voice so powerful!

You have amazed me in many counts; for your presence, I am grateful! 

For the very supportive gestures in early morning sessions,

For the easy smile and undivided attention during discussions,

For the hand-drawn bulletin board decoration,

Merci mademoiselle, yours is my admiration.

Queenstown 2009

DRAFT 4:

Dearest Isabel,

Since that afternoon when you hypothesized that I was an anti-matter kind of creation, I have been so relieved...I thought I was weird, but I found out you are a bit weirder than I am! That makes me more normal. Bwahaha! :D  I hope, though, that you were able to gather enough information through the year to finally come up with a sound conclusion as to what I am really made of. J I will miss you and our “educational” banters. May this picture remind you that the world is so wide and that inquisitive beings like you will always find satisfaction in its material and immaterial realms. May you continue your exploration, enriching both you and your next “subject/s of inquiry”. Ask. Learn. Master. Share. God bless you!

Anawangin 2010

 

DRAFT 5:

Dearest Bernadette,

Time flies as fast as the golden snitch! It seems like I have just welcomed Older Sister to my Physics class, and now I am bidding you goodbye. :”(  But I believe we had time well spent. Thank you for reminding me that I can be (if not yet) young (younger than my age hahaha!) forever. Though we age with the Harry-Ron-Hermione gang, magic - in all its forms - will keep us at our best, that is, alive and kicking! You may not have the wand to call out “Reparo!” to undo mistakes, or “Lumos” to avoid getting in touch with the dark and dangerous elements of the world out there, but you have you and Him to win over the dementors. :) May this picture remind you of Hedwig, and all the wonders of the world. Stay young and excited. Make the world more wonder-ful with your magical presence! J

Baluarte 2009

I hope this reminiscing has brought back nothing but the happy memories of the past. For the meantime, may we all enjoy the beautiful, mysterious, amazing, wonderful and magical world where we belong. Ciao!

Yours truly,

TicToc J

CLOSING TIME

HEAVEN UP THERE?
Subic 2009

You are gone. You went ahead. You left me here. You broke my heart.

Worst, you chose to go when I was farthest from you - 

no goodbyes, no hugs, not even a smile. 

Did you cry? Were you afraid? Did you willingly let go?

Almost half a decade has passed and I still long for that one last moment.

Until now, I cannot muster enough strength to visit you.

I know that you know I have not completely let go. 

I have not even given myself time to mourn. I just simply moved on.

 I still feel you here - the sound of your laughter cheers me up, your words of wisdom,

the plans you thought of for the future you looked forward to - they guide me daily.

It will be difficult to go solo with the missions your selflessness has set.

I can only wish to be half as generous and as compassionate as you...

 In the end, I hope and pray that I'll make you proud, t'is my only way to thank you. 

And when it's my time, I know I will not miss you anymore.

When it's my time, I hope I'll see you there.

Then we can cry, and hug, and smile.

The first quarter of the year has been a witness to many good souls moving on to the next, or the other, side of life. Mysterious as it is, no one had any inkling as to when the time would happen. Learning about one's passsing brought us to a state of shock as we simultaneously felt the great loss and faced, if not accepted, the fact that there is nothing that we can do about it. Nature defeated us again by running its own course. 

Nothing compares to the pain due to the loss of a loved one. Aside from the emptiness felt, we have to move on and live as normally as possible until we reach the end of our own road. It is not a surprise then if others would rather go (with, or ahead) than be left behind. We pretend to be strong until the pretentions become real, we implement changes in our routine...but no mater how we try to go back on track, we know our lives will never be the same.

Our thoughts change. Our points of view either diverge, or converge depending on what we have been believing through our life time. Ironically, the happy memories shared with the dearly departed become stakes piercing the heart, making it bleed more.

Regrets. Longing. Remorse. Sadness. Episodes of crying out loud. Moments of silence. Quiet reflections. A daily companion once shared that, almost always, a person is changed for the better when the end draws near. Everyone suddenly has all the time to smell the flowers. Sadly, it is only then that we realize that flowers dominate the earth - too late to slow down. Oh, but just to see them from afar is sometimes good enough. Some who left never even learned that flowers exist. Worse, some only heard of them and were not given the chance to touch them for real.

Would we ever feel that it is almost time? Though it has been said that we will never, ever, be ready, but if premonitions* are true for all, will we have enough time to make sure we have accomplished our individual mission/s before departing? I am inclined to think that we will have our chance, only, maybe,  most of us would be in so much hurry.

Ah, but I hope we will be granted the time we need. There is no point hurrying to leave if you know that you only have limited chances to give your loved ones the hug and the assuring words that would comfort them till it's their turn. It would be selfish to just leave. In fact (I mean, based on experience) when time draws near, we find it easy to forgive and forget. Arguments do not last long and we become more open in expressing our thoughts and emotions. But why is it that we only learn to really connect at the last hour? Worse, some would keep fighting till the end. So much for pride. Tsk.

Closing time forces us to start thinking about the essence of life. It is only when we realize how valued and valuable our life is, or the life of our dearly departed was, that we are able to accept that the end has come.