When DESPERATION Strikes

A prayer I found stashed in one of my books. In times of desperate needs?

Dear God,

Show me the way. Please give me a sign. Help me. You are my only HOPE. I so need to rethink POSSIBILITIES. I do not want to be stuck at something not worthy of the CHANCES you bless me with daily. I need your guidance. I need your INTERVENTION badly. I am sorry. I know I am failing. Please take me out of this misery. Bring me PEACE, and quiet, and WISDOM to be sensitive, aware and righteous in my decisions. HUMBLE me with your DIVINE heart. But please, do not HUMOR me. I am stuck beyond compare. AMEN.

I love you. Thank you for loving me more.

ANG HULING LIMANG MINUTO

Tatlo. Tatlong pagkakataon lang ng pagkakamali ang pinahihintulutan.

Tulog. Kulang na kulang dahil sa pabago-bagong oras ng trabaho.

Trapik. Mabagal pa sa pagong ang usad ng mga sasakyan.

Torture!

Marahil naranasan mo na ang pagkakataong hiniling mo nang matindi na magkaroon ng kapangyarihan na gagamitin mo lamang sa pangunahing pangangailangan. Yung bang dapat ay may ginagawa ka pero hindi mo magawa, wala kang magawa at di mo na magagawa pa dahil huli na ang lahat.

Regrets!

Suko na? Ayawan na?

Heto ang sabi ng isa kong kakilala:

May limang minuto na lang ako para umabot. Sa kinaroonan ko ngayon, batid kong mahigit pa diyan ang kakailanganin kong oras upang manatiling normal, buhay at may ipinaglalaban. Pwede na akong bumalik ngayon sa pinanggalingan ko. O kay sarap sumuko. Bahala na kung anong mangyayari bukas. Bahala na kung ano man ang mawala sa akin. Di bale na kung masayang ang pagod at hirap na akin nang ipinuhunan...

Sobrang tindi ng pagsubok na ito na di ko ata kakayanin. Ang tanging magagawa ko lang ay hayaan itong lumipas. Napapagod na din akong magdasal. Alam ko kasing huli na ang lahat. 

Sadyang napakahirap tanggapin ang mga consequence ng mga sariling kamalian. Mahirap dalhin sa konsensiya ang bigat na dulot ng sariling kagagawan. Alam kong may ginawa ako dapat. Kahit ngayon, ayoko nang isipin pa kung bakit di ko ginawa ang nararapat...

@#$%^&*@#$%^&*@#$%^&*@#$%^&*@#$%^&*@#$%^&*

Minsan di nakakatulong ang sobrang pag-iisip. Alam kong wala akong karapatang tanungin Siya kung bakit ganito,kung bakit ako, kung bakit ngayon pa. May sarili akong kapangyarihan kahit pa Siya ang mas nakaka-alam ng lahat. Ang hirap kapag sarili mo lang ang dapat sisihin. Nakapagpupuyos ng damdamin!

Sa paglipas ng huling limang minuto, nangyari ang dapat mangyari. Pero di siya sumuko.  Mahina siya kung maituturing pero iyon na marahil ang isa sa pinakamatapang niyang pagharap sa buhay. Nagpatuloy siya. Pero di rin naman siya hinayaang mag-isa. Tinigilan niya ang pag-iisip. Nanahimik siya. Nagdasal muli. Itinaas niya sa Maykapangyarihan ang mga hinanakit, pagisisi, galit, at pagnanais na mabigyan pa ng pagkakataong magpatuloy. 

Marahil isang malaking pagsubok lang talaga iyon. Sa mga sumunod na araw ay napatunayan niya na ang halaga ng buhay, pananalig, pag-asa ay di natatapos sa pagsuko. Kung nanaisin mo talaga, at kung naaayon sa plano Niya para sa'yo, mangyayari ang dapat mangyari. Huwag ka lang bibitaw, kahit pa sa huling limang minuto.

CONFESSIONs of a NEWBIE FUN-RUNNER

The Offical Logo

11.20.2011
I saved the date and ran.

The first challenge was to secure a leave of absence from the office. Filed and approved.

The next obstacles were equally challenging but were overcome with great determination. Count in:

(1) planning for an "escape route" (since I live in the mountains, and without any means of transportation of my own except for my two feet and legs,  departing from home at 3:00 am was such a no-no that I was almost tempted to just slumber. Good thing Scratchers were not around and the trusty 24-hour jeepney service was not as scarce as usual)

(2) zero company (being a first-timer, it would have been more fun to run with a friend or two, enjoy the race with somebody you know, but the only hope for a company I had chose the breaking dawn over the running-at-dawn. I just resigned to the fact that there will be thousands of people there anyway so I would not be alone. I may not be a celebrity and I am definitely not the most congenial person but I have some amiable ways that enable me to converse with strangers, not that I need to anyway :D)

(3) no practice (I have not been running, or jogging, even stretching for months! The only physical activity I have been doing so far was to walk from where the car would drop me off on the way to work to the building where I work. I seldom use the stairs, not only because there are none in the building but because I am almost always (almost) late that I find the elevator very beneficial)

(4) forgetting the details (though I have read about the run, I became quite unsure of the specifics - where to go exactly, which stations to go to, the website talked about the clusters and I do not know if I belonged to any one, what to bring, what time the run will officially start and a lot of other things to think about. crazy. I hope these are all just part of the first time haha!)

I was excited but was feeling burdened already by the bothersome thoughts. Time passed (or flew) and woke me up (have I slept?)

I walked in the dark from the house to the highway -no tricycles during the wee hours of the morning :((. I got into a jeepney and a bus and was planning to just ride a taxi to the assembly place but traffic was so heavy that I had to walk again. I covered three LRT stations on foot and was finally able to chance upon a not-so-full jeepney which brought me to the main road closest to the venue. I was literally running late - so much for a warm and pre-run stretching. I would not want to miss the gunshot for my very first run.

So there I was, amongst the multitude, moving to the beat of the music for the warm-up, right under the huge START marker, eager to run. One loud shot and boom! The 5-km fun run commenced.

The Multitude

What a feeling! (haha! sorry. overrated)

What do I get from here? What is at stake? What am I running for? 

Clearly, I was running for a cause. I disbursed some amount for an environment-benefiting project. I joined the community for the event not so much for the record-breaking count of participants but more for the greater goal, the greater good. ;) That thought (and truth) alone is rewarding enough.

Psaig River Yesterday

Pasig River Today
(image from Google)

 The purpose of the Pasig River Run campaign was to raise awareness for the rehabilitation of the river and its tributaries. For this year, the plan is to rehabilitate one of the five (5) tributaries which the Estero de San Miguel that stream into the Pasig River. Source: abs-cbnnews.com

During the run though, I could not help but think of what else was with the run? Fun? Definitely!

I saw people - celebrities (I started the run with the Ms. Earth candidates, then I lagged behind there were the Biggest Losers winners; after a few more steps, I was with the block of police officers who showed off their synchronized running), enthusiasts, marathon-ers as evidenced by the race outfits they wore, students with their teachers, parents and their kids. 

I witnessed sub-events. Runners stopping on track markers (water station/ medic station/ mile/km markers) to have their photo op. Runners being treated for injuries at the medic stations. Runners-to-be-turned-onlookers who stood by the sidewalk content at cheering, clapping and shouting. Runners who are supposed to be environment-lovers littering the street with paper cups they have used for re-hydration. Runners who did short-cuts by going from the 5K to the 3K track. Runners just strolling along.

I moved on, along with the rest. At the last turn, I saw the MOA globe. I was tired already. The globe perked me up, yes, the finish line was finally close. But no, there was another turn, one last km to go! Ugh! Mercy. I moved on anyway. Thou hast to reach the end. Good thing freebies were waiting near the finish marker - time for a some consolation :D In addition, I met my HS bestfriend, Rushel, who also joined the run. We enjoyed catching up and the hotdog calories while resting. 

Runners: Mission Accomplished - almost!

I reached the FINISH marker when the digital clock turned 57:47. Not too bad for a run-walk-run scheme. One item down on my bucket list. I sat down at one of the road blocks. I had time to reflect. I loved the cool breeze. I loved the energy around, with people bursting into laughter and cheers as we traversed the first kilometer of the track. I loved the company of strangers working with you for the same main goal. I loved the thrill of being part of one, big event. I loved the dynamic movements that not only activated the bodily functions but also stimulated the mind and freed it from the usual, normal life cares and concerns. It was liberating!

I will definitely join again. 

Next run: 

December 4, 2011 MOA

For the runner in you, you might want to check out the incoming races/fun runs/marathons. Just click on the link. Just Run!

And here are some tips to help prepare you for the run: Get Ready!

All images courtesy of Google Images. 

MR. BEN and the BERLITZ

The  inevitable came. Before we realized it, we were already being pulled out one by one and escorted to the conference room where we have to face the biggest challenge so far. I was nervous. I was anxious. I was too distracted – failing even to participate in normal conversation. Pulse raced. Heart throbbed. Mind cart-wheeled. It was one day that I allowed myself to become officially crazy.

The final call came. My ID number was announced. I do not even recall walking from our home base to the conference room. I was alone with the telephone. The silence was deafening. The hypothermia-inducing temperature of the room failed to lower my higher-than-average heartbeat rate. Time was up and I was instructed to dial the number. Dialling the number on the phone seemed to last longer than forever. My mind raced through countless topics under the sun. I thought I heard my communications coach’s voice: stay calm…just be yourself…you can do it… it’s just a piece of cake…

Make or break. Come what may. Que sera sera! I was somehow successful at convincing myself to stop the “trembling” and twelve clicks and three rings later, there was Ben.

Ben’s tone was robotic. His words were straightforward. He sounded adamant and condescending. He was a stranger. How could we connect?  I could have died right there and then…but thinking about the company’s investment and possible losses (ahem!), I claimed and believed that I would survive. I could make it.

I have heard a lot about how challenging the Berlitz is. Some encouragingly suggested keeping the conversation within the subject of your mastery and/or experience. Even so, you will not really have complete control over which words or phrases (from your own statement) will tickle the interviewer’s fancy. Your listening, reading and integrated comprehension, coupled with grammatical accuracy and breadth of vocabulary will certainly be put to test as you struggle to say what you mind and mind what you say. Add to it the disturbing thought that interviewers, like Ben, are native speakers of the language you would like to be certified in.

The Berlitz Learning Cycle
from www.berlitz.de

So there was Ben, and my Berlitz certification was in his hands. I readied myself with contents about my favorites including family, friends, photography, teaching, physics, computer games, writing, travel, and tv shows. I have also gone over inquiries on how I spend my free time, how I prepare for work, what I do on weekends, etc. I ran through details/stories on macro photography and insects, teaching physics for over a decade and taking a break from it, losing ten year’s worth of journals, preferred TV shows to watch with family, even qualities I love about friends. Believe me, it is so exhausting thinking and talking about the things you do as you live your life. And you have to be so confident to talk about any or all of it with a stranger! Awesome! >.<

Ben’s very first question was: tell me about yourself. Piece of cake and crown of thorns at the same time! Where do you begin? How do you start? It was much easier and comfortable to feign amnesia than answer the question to impress Ben (impression with only the truth, for certification’s sake J) But time waited for no one and I had to proceed – basics first. Our conversation cum interview lasted for about five minutes and the first question led us to an elaborate discussion on parental guidance over internet sites, establishing censorship over the web for pre-school kids not to be able to view restricted sites. See how very close this topic is to my favorites?

I failed. NOT. I got certified (thank heavens). To have passed the test was an achievement. The experience alone was enriching – whether I made it or not. Add to it the drills I went through during communications and culture training. How did “taking a break” end up with constant evaluation of my communications skills? I suddenly felt old for all the tests. L

I may have been used to public speaking throughout my teaching years but I have always been the timid one. Let us just say that I am intoxicated with a high dose of stage fright. I could have opted to stay still and quiet, but surely, that would not have made the “fright” go away. Haunted is what I would have been.

Bens and Berlitzes will always be around the bend, in their various forms, and life would eventually lead us to them. The Ben and Berlitz I met scared me. But knowing that I was not alone, and that I have to get it done and over with anyway, I faced the fear, and conquered. 

HE SAYS, SHE SAYS

This day of last year, I have witnessed the union of two of my closest friends. I was one of the honored guests to the joyful event and, remembering them today, I felt compelled to share the story I wrote for them. 

Manong Glenn and Leigh, here's for you: Happy 1st Anniversary!

 

SHE is an epitome of a purpose-driven being. 

She is passionate about all that she does and is determined at achieving her goals.

HE is dutiful and is enthusiastic about matters of his interest. 

 He is gently persistent in getting to his targets.

She says she will, and she does. 

He says he will, but sometimes he doesn’t. 

She stands by him, he learns from her. 

They are each other’s inspiration. 

Theirs is a complementary bond.

SHE is strong-minded and sometimes superior. 

She says what she feels and does what she wants.

HE is accepting, consenting, almost always conceding. 

He takes a softer line.

But he can win over. 

She can give in. 

Besides, he won her over! 

Theirs is a mutual understanding.

SHE is loyal and is devoted to him. 

She encourages him, and cheers him on.

HE adores her and is committed to her. 

He assists and defends her.

 

Theirs is a union established by nature and time.

Theirs is a love founded on respect and trust.

Theirs is a life and a future that is made certain through God’s providential plan...

...for who would’ve thought that they were meant for each other’s arms?

FOOD for the SIGHT (and SOUL)

Because I miss the outside world and my camera and the impulsive trips in, out and around town, I scanned through my photo files and found these faves. I had fun reminiscing the whens, whats, hows and whos behind each photograph. So let the pictures do their job of painting a thousand words...I will let them do the talking...err, some of the talking. :D

Mi Estrella
I love this one because it puts together my fave icons Star and Smiley, plus Yellow shining in the dark. A successful spotlight effect captured while taking advantage of the darkness brought about by the power outage one stormy night.
December 2010 | Home

Manuel et Maria
My parents, now old and sick, are still the jolly ones. They are my reminders of not worrying about the morrow. Gentle, caring and very supportive, they have made life less complicated. This day was Mama's only day out (of the house). Her one-time-big-time stroke left her paralyzed. Taken before Tatay's great accident.  I hope to spend more happy years with them - to learn from them, to serve them, to love them.
November 2010 | Antipolo

La Mariposa
This is just one of the "insect" photographs I have taken. I love capturing tiny living things on camera. Aside from getting clear, magnified details, I am most challenged with keeping them still and picture-ready. This one is a success! I have files of ants, beetles, spiders, grasshoppers, flies and worms, too! Icky as they may seem to appear to the naked eye but viewing them in greater detail is not as horrifying as one may imagine it to be.
January 2011 | Home

Mi Retiro Destino
Living in the city makes me long for peaceful environments like this. I hope to spend the last years of my life as close to nature as possible. This picture translates my hopes and dreams into the physical form. I passed by this place one excursion day when I enjoyed the cool, clear river water after a long trail up the mountains. This place is walking distance to a waterfalls, and near a beach as well.
April 2011 | Romblon

EL Valiente Yeli
Among the firstfruits of my photography adventures, Yeli braving the dark has given me inspiration. Yeli has been absorbing tears and fears for five years now. Wherever I go (for long trips), he goes.
September 2008 | Pasig

La Naturaleza
Cool, cool, refreshing nature! I just love the complementing blue and green. Makes me want to camp out - perfect treatment for stressful days in the city :) Taken  while traversing the smoothly-paved SCTEX one family outing day.
May 2009 | Subic

La Floracion
Blooming out of contrast, soft, sweet, creamy...ice cream? Flowers are among nature's wonderful creations. One will never run out of colors, patterns and even textures, and their various combinations. I picked this lucky one from a heap while on an early morning jog around the village with Tatay and Shoti.
February 2011 | Antipolo

Mi Preciosa Puesta de Sol
(See previous blog entry on sunsets for the story ;-)
April 2010 | Zambales

Mi Familia
New Year's Eve Feast. People who matter most to me. Small, happy family. Perfect? No. Challenged? Yes. But I would pick them anytime.
If only we could be together forever
January 2010 | Queenstown

PHYSICS BREAKDOWN

Is something white because it reflects all light incident on it? Or does it reflect all light because it is white?

Physics certainly has a lot of explaining and convincing to do! 

I am associated with Physics. That is the closest that I can get in describing our relationship. It lasted for more than a decade and thank goodness that our togetherness has been harmonious, functional, comforting though challenging, and bearable. I survived. But I did not last long-er. 

I have been Physics-free for a long time now and I can say that I am missing it. I miss tinkering equations and formulas just to get to the end of a mind-boggling problem. I miss my bestfriend calculator, the thick  books, the videos, the games, the real-life applications explained! I would like to believe that since Physics has been a significant part of my growing-up years, I could not wash it off from my system ever. Whether I like it or not, will it or not, Physics will have to stay.


Today, I have gone almost a year without Physics. Oh boy, now I am even doubtful if I would still be able to solve a Physics problem. Though Physics seemed to surface once in a while as I go through life's daily grind, I haven't given it any serious thought. How I long to be back. But my mind seemed to be resistant, hesitant, and quite reluctant at going back. What if we have already become totally strangers to each other? I do not have any clue as to where we are in terms of our "relationship." As I get used to the simple life I am now living, I moved farther and farther apart from it. Physics is becoming more and more abstract and complicated. 


There had been attempts at making us talk again. But nothing worked. I initially show interest but eventually, I beg off. What will happen to me now that I have been devoid of my only marketable attribute? I am pretty sure that I am doomed.


So while taking the time to just chill on an RD, I tried reading some online sources on Physics. Consider it my re-connection scheme. For disclaimer though, I have not verified into the validity and reliability of the web sources I will be citing here.  Here are just briefs and glimpses. Feel free to click on the links for information. :)

Physics camouflaged in one of the most-addicting games of all time. See how: 

PHYSICS: The Angry Birds Edition

Physics reviewed with concepts, simulations, and other lessons. Learn more: 

PHYSICS: The Basics Edition

Physics recognized through its practical applications. Read on:

PHYSICS: The Real Life Edition

Physics developed, improved, furthered. Find out:

PHYSICS: The Newest Edition  

FIELD MISSION

I  have been going 'round and about these past months. This year happens to be the time when most number of decisions have been made. I have a changed lifestyle generally due to an altered body clock. I have been deloaded but I still feel restless. I haven't been to any field trip and I am missing the outside world already. I want to go back to its tender, loving care.

Emily Bronte through Jane Eyre once denoted: We know that God is everywhere; but certainly we feel His presence most when His works are on the grandest scale spread before us...I absolutely agree!

Anawangin Cove, 2009

Being with nature draws one closer to the Creator. One becomes more grateful for being one and part of the world wide web. Life gets less complicated. Life gets more meaningful. Life is devoid of stresses and pressures.

Being with nature nurtures the tired soul. Nature refreshes. Nature heals. Nature cleanses the heart of unwanted anxieties and baggage. The fresh air we breathe resuscitates the weary feeling, the buoyant force and the hydrating power of water lifts up heavy spirits.

Being with nature makes us more conscious of our thoughts. It helps us become aware of the truth - ugly or bad. It enables us to look deeper within, in effect, giving us more strength to carry on to the future.

Being with nature provides us a venue to escape without being detached from reality. It helps us soar far and wide and high without keeping our feet off the ground.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           
So when life gets too tight for comfort, break free! Take a leave. Be nursed by nature's wonders!

ALONELINESS

ALONE**

Alone i drifted away, I didn't need a guide,

Alone I walked a thousand miles.

Alone I marveled at the amazing sites,

Alone I viewed the secnes, some of which were wild.

Alone I stared at the sky so high,

Alone I sat under a tree,

Alone I ate my lunch so late!

Alone I waited for the sun to set.

Alone I explored the curves and bends,

Alone I endured being pushed till the end;

Alone I hoped and paused to pray,

to God who is oh so merciful and powerful,

for Him to help me find my way.

Alone I drifted away,

Alone I lived today.

I just hope, though,

that I won't be alone when I die someday...

**The above poem was inspired by a similar poem of Angela Ferrer.

CONVOLUTION

Ebbs like a wave

Up, down, up, down

Inspired and discouraged

Cry, laugh, fight, give up

Sleep to rest

Sleep to forget

Wake up spent

Wake up brand new

Take some more

Hope for less

Score lower

Aim higher

Be known

Stay common

Do the best

Leave (to mem) the rest

Join in

Be alone

Dine light

Sleep tight

Goodbye, hello!

Hold on, let go

Keep memories

Start anew

-------------------------------

Convolution  
[ˌkɒnvəˈluːʃən]


a twisting together; a turn, twist or coil


an intricate, involved, or confused matter of condition


in life sciences, also called gyrus,
any of the numerous convex folds or ridges
of the surface of the brain

VSAT or VDSAT?

The rising sun is so beautiful for comfort. Though I would always prefer sunset over sunrise at any time, I cannot deny the obvious - el soleil this time radiates with soothing warmth and tolerable brightness. Nah, almost too good to be true...quite surreal...

Perhaps I am not just used to this sun-rising time. I used to wander the busy streets before the rays come shining down. For the past decades, I have eluded the solar-photons by compromising the number of hours I spend for snoozing. But things have changed. Though the duration of sleep has remained the same, I now meet the sun before even enjoying the relaxation offered by my bed...twisted...I work while the rest of the country (uhm, most of the rest ;) enjoy their dreams. 

Perhaps, it takes time getting used to this 180*-degree-turn of events. I must be pleased by how I am not a slave to traffic at this time (as traffic builds up only in the opposite direction); I must be reassured that I will be home safe and sound and secured from the evildoing/s of Mr. Scratchers** (as MD aka manong driver always reserves for me a seat in the car where I can doze off without a care to the world); I must be thankful for the egg-filled breakfast that I always get to enjoy after telepathically imploring my sister/dad to prepare; I must be relieved after a night's work...I must be calmed, but I am not at peace.

Perhaps, this obscurity is not because of the time, or due to the strange sunrise. My PR and HBR seem too normal to be true for the heart to be considered alive and kicking. Considerably, I have survived. But I am barely surviving. The heart must be dead by now after all the in-the-face denunciations and what-nots. The recent past has challenged me so much so that I cannot help thinking about what will happen in the immediate future. I can hardly rest my case.

What is happening? 

Something stirs deep inside, that which I could not understand...so help me, God.

------------------------------

*I still believe 180 degrees is a better, if not the best, description for a life-changing turn than 360 degrees (which brings you right back to where you were before the turn)

**Mr. Scratchers is a name collectively describing evil men who almost made me reveal my superhero powers by forcibly acquiring my precious material properties.

BAGONG BUHAY

Mas payat na ako. Maluwag na ang dating masisikip na mga pantalon. Pero ayos lang kahit payat. Pangarap ko ito. Magagamit ko na uli ang santambak na mga damit mula nung kabataan ko pa. Di na kailangang bumili ng bago.

Mas marami na akong oras gumawa ng iba. Pero mas wala akong nagagawa. May life after work na din, pero ang night life ko ay umaga. Gising kasi ako sa oras ng tulog. Minsan pa, wala talagang tulog. Di kasi madaling matulog sa nakasanayang oras ng pagiging gising. Pero ayos lang, di pa naman ako bumabagsak sa antok.

Mas prominente na ang identifying mark ko. Di na maikakaila and panda look ko. Kung dati, walang tumatalo sa akin sa lawak ng eye shade, mas lalo na silang mahihirapan ngayon na daigin ako sa larangang ito. Pero ayos lang. Di naman ako masyadong conscious. Mukha namang "in" siya ngayon.

Mas maayos na ang buhok ko. Dahil nga may panahon na ako, wala na ang mga tikwas at unwanted curves. Sumusunod na siya sa galaw. Pero maayos nga ang buhok ko, mas magulo naman ang laman ng utak ko. Siguro ganyan lang talaga kapag bago...maraming bagay ang di alam na pilit inaalam na di naman agad nalalaman dahil iba-iba ang nag-papaalam. Pero ayos lang. Alam ko namang darating ang araw ng ganap na pagkatuto. Kailangan lang maging matiyaga habang naghihintay.


Mas konti na lang ang pinaghahandaan ko ngayon. Kung dati parang nasa pangangalaga ko ang mundo, ngayon, sarili ko lang ang kailangan kong bantayan. Nakakalungkot na unti-unti ko nang nakakalimutan ang mga dati kong kinasanayan. Pero ayos lang. Ganun ata talaga, kailangan pagbigyan ang bagong natututunan.

Mas marami na din akong kaibigan. Kahit bago, mapalad akong nakatagpo ng mga mababait at maalalahaning mga katuwang sa kabuhayan. Tila kasabay ng pamamaalam ng  "einstein look" (aka masyadong malayang buhok) ang paglisan ni Eins. Pinalitan na siya ni Anya. Iba na ang bukambibig. Iba na ang inaalala. Iba na ang ibinabahaging kaalaman. Bagong buhay, bagong pangalan, panibagong pakikibaka.


Kumusta na nga ba ako ngayon? AYOS LANG. :)


Tumatawa pa rin. Kumikita pa rin. Di pa naman napapagod. Nag-e-enjoy sa kakaibang karanasan. Patuloy na nagsisilbi, di nga lang pang-maramihan. Patuloy na nagsasanay sa bagong larangan. Patuloy na nagdarasal upang patnubayan ng Kanyang kapangyarihan. Patuloy na umaasang, kahit saan at ano pa man, mananatiling tapat sa layuning gumawa ng kabutihan.


Ikaw? Kumusta ka na?


Sana'y ayos lang din, kaibigan, :)

My SSID

iNID. RG. FTTP. SHO. U-VERSE. HTML. POTS. STB. HPNA. LAN. WPA. NIC. URL. ATTIS. iPSU. BBU. FTTN. VIP 1216. CPE. BAU. SVCS. MT151. SBS. IPN330. IPDSLAM. WFE. WEP. DHCP. DNS. NYA. DOD. TAT. AHT. CRR. TA. SME. SOM. CAN8. CEC. PDC. VDSAT. QM/L. VIP. CBR. ETC.

These are just a few characters of the new language I am learning about. Well, what can I say?* "Mesmerizing" huh!


I have been dealing with this one for quite a long time now and I'd say I am getting the hang of it already. But, wait, there's more!* Being able to identify, define and describe these things is not even a quarter of what I am supposed to know to be able to survive in the new arena called technical support.


I have been through a lot of heart attacks since Day 1 until current date. I have never ever been this constantly challenged in my whole life! I may have been used to public speaking but what I thought I was comfortable doing has been shadowed by the demanding and perfection-seeking  position I've gotten myself into. Argh! Can I sorry, myself?* Of all the opportunities following the conclusion of my longest-termed, latest project, I took this one at the blink of an eye.


But I am not really sorry. Though I died after every evaluation/ assessment/ interview/ test, I have also been constantly resurrected every time. I almost, literally, felt my heart jumping out of its cage when I failed big time with a very simple thing. Oh my SSID*! It was a matter of life and death. It was among the very few moments when I wished for the ground to break and swallow me whole. Whoa! But I survived! I don't know. Either I am lucky, or I am blessed. :D 


The learning experience, though really mind-boggling,  has been FUN. Though I and my wave-mates kept transforming into our "soul" forms every now and then due to on-the-spot checks and tasks, we always find chances for laughter and happy times, and we always get the job done. Well, maybe not as perfectly as demanded, but getting closer and closer to the goal as days go by.


I consider the trouble I had with SSID as the best example for learning from mistakes. I may permanently carry the WEP tag but I know more now than what the letters are for. Our TAs and the SATs will always be there to put pressure on me but I will not let my BBU lose its energy. I know I have to improve on my AHT, do VIP to avoid CRR, take advantage of IPDSLAM and iNID cases, consider my own LSBBT to look into my QC and TAT performance, master RG and its neighboring systems, be more gentle with DOD, befriend BIBA, employ the "intricate" paths provided by WFE - all in all to ensure QCS.   


Time is of the essence. Everyday is a learning experience. Help, support and cooperation are significant requirements. 


I shall continue to be steadfast as MT151. Off to be SME! Hahaha! XD



Those marked with * are some of the wave's favorite expressions. So be them. 

MADALANG MADALING ARAW

Nagising akong dama ang kaginhawaan

Sapagkat ang mahimbing kong tulog ay dala ng kapaguran

Bumangon ako't lumuhod sa may paanan ng higaan

Diyos na nagbigay buhay ay pinasalamatan

Paglabas ko s aaming munting tahanan

Napakagandang tanawin aking nasulyapan!
Liwanag na dala ng bukang-liwayway di matatawaran,

Waring napaglaruan, kulay ay sumabog sa kalangitan!

Good morning, sunshine!

Kaysarap balikan ang mga araw na kasabay mo ang Haring gumising at magsinula. Ang init na dala ng kanyang sinag ay waring nagbibigay enerhiya upang magampanan ang mga tungkulin sa susunod na dalawampu't araw na oras ng pakikibaka.

Pero iba na ngayon. Sa bukang-liwayway nagtatapos ang araw ko. Tanging tanawin na lamang ang kayang tanggapin ng aking isipan. Naisip kong nakakalungkot naman. Habang ang karamihan ay pasimula na sa bagong buhay, ako patapos pa lang sa nakalipas.

Ngunit di pala ako nag-iisa. Sa halos araw-araw na paglalakbay, marami akong nakita na dati di napapansin dahil nakatutok lang ako sa magandang sikat ng araw. Meron palang mga taong halos nananalig na lang sa bagong-buhay, bagong-araw kahit di ito nakikita o nararamdaman. Sila yung patuloy na gumagawa kahit pa dis-oras, o kahit pa di pangkaraniwan ang kanilang kinalalagyan.

Si Aleng Kendi ay nagtitiis ng hamog, polusyon at masangsang na amoy ng lansangan may maipakain lang sa mga maliliit na anak na nag-aaral. Para sa kinabukasan. Kahit sa daan na matulog. Kahit konti lang ang kita.

Si Manong Dahlio ay di alintana ang gutom para lang may maipong pantustos sa pangangailangan. Humahabol sa humaharurot na dyip, sumisigaw nang buong-lakas. Parating alerto. Para sa kapakanan ng pamilya. Kahit barya-barya lang ang katumbas ng pamamalat. Kahit maulanan. Kahit minsan tinatakasan ng mapagsamantalang drayber.

Si Kuya Boy ay di sapat ang tulog ngunit parating nakabantay pa din, inaabangan ang bawat darating na sasakyang kailangang parating tumakbo. Para sa pang-matrikula. Kahit pa alam nang may masamang dulot sa kalusugan ang palagiang pagiging exposed sa likidong ibinebenta niya.

Si Mang Pistolo ay gising buong gabi upang protektahan ang gusaling nakatalaga sa ilalim ng kanyang pangangalaga. Kahit na malayo sa pamilya sa pinaka-delikadong mga oras ng araw. Para sa inaasam na kaginhawaan. Kahit pa malagay sa panganib. Kahit pa minsan ay sarili ang pinakamabigat na kalaban.

Nakakahangang-tunay ang di matatawarang lakas ng loob at pagsisikap na ipinamamalas ng mga taong ito. Marahil dahil sa mapaglarong panahon, o di-pambihirang pagkakataon, kaya sila nasadlak sa kanilang kinaroonan - pero di sila sumusuko. Patuloy silang gumigising, bumabangon, nakikibaka, namumuhay, nagmamahal, at umaasa. 

Sana, sana bukas makita naman nila ang bukang-liwayway na walang antok na pinaglalabanan, na walang sakit ng katawang iniinda, na kapiling ang mga mahal sa buhay. Sana bukas, at sa susunod pang mga bukas, tumingala kaming nakangiti, nagpapasalamat at nagagalak na sa bawat pagsikat ay patuloy kaming makikipaglaban para sa minimithing kinabukasan.

My Sunsets

I love sunsets. They are magical, awesome, inspiring day-enders. Whether the sky goes mellowing red, or golden, or even dark during a storm, the calming, peaceful feeling that sunsets bring never changes. If sun rises make a day bright, I'd say sunsets definitely make days brighter.

 

I have gone through great lengths trying to catch sunsets. As much as possible, I capture sunsets from different places. The following are some of my most-treasured sunsets, immortalized in pictures. I keep them as souvenirs, and when I feel down and not-so-good, I just bring them out and revel at the majestic effect. 

 

I hope you enjoy them as well as I do. :)

This was taken in April 2010 when I and my friend joined in the celebration of Earth Day. We had fun with the chanting, rowing, touring, watching and tree-planting. I waited for the sun to set (I exchanged a whole afternoon's worth of time) and spent the last hours of the day listening to an orchestra with their environmentally-themed musical production. The man in this picture is a resident of the nearby area, an informal settler, who depends on his catch from Manila Bay for food.

 

Feeling tourist-y on the port of Tagbilaran Bohol, I took several shots of the setting sun. I was with a group of friends, on our way back home (to where we temporarily lived) from the Island of Cebu. It was a trip for lasts... :"(

Aptly titled, this one is my all-time favorite. I love the mysterious effect. I was on top of one of the hills, panting due to the uphill run, when I took this. What a beautiful reward for literally chasing the sun! I hope to go back there for another set of beautiful sunsets! 

 

These are the first sunsets I captured on film. Tired after almost a day of touring the Ilocos region, er, its historical, tourist landmarks, we decided to stop by and take a dip. The water was refreshing, the fine sand relaxing to the tired feet, and the sunset? Stunning! :)

 

I took this shot from my bedroom window. Yey! sunset close to home, though I do not always get this view. I also love the puppy cloud (do you see it?)

I love sunsets.
I run after them, chasing them like crazy.

I love sunsets.
Their mellowing redness is just awesome.

I love sunsets.
Basking under its warmth and cozy glow relaxes dead tired body, and soul.

I love sunsets.

Majestic.

Mysterious. 

Beautiful.

I love sunsets.

"Everytime I experience a beautiful sunset, I always miss my beautiful friends - the special angels God has sent to my life. 

I cannot help but stop and thank Him for such a wonderful blessing."

May we all have peaceful and beautiful sunsets all the days of our lives.