EMO-NESS! ;-p

STRANGER SMILE

(March 11, 2007)

When you are alone and lonely, it will take faith much bigger than a mustard seed (that which could move mountains) to make you smile. Yes, even the people you love would encounter difficulty at cheering you up sometimes. That is why it is a blissful experience when the answer lies with very small things, gestures and surprisingly, most of the weird times, from strangers. I was walking down loneliness' road one moment in time when an alien, attracting not only my attention asked me to cheer up. Well, that went without any word spoken. He was simply very entertaining. He was singing out loud, trying out the new magic sing and he made me laugh out loud. Amazing is it not?

HAPI MEANS

(May 18, 2007)

I am dancing in the rain, what a glorious feeling. I am happy again...happy again huh? Nah, not really. I guess no one can be a master of being happy all by himself. But it also does not mean that a lone person feels awful all the time. People are happy when they are with their friends (some, with few good friends, have learned the trick that unhappy individuals enjoying each others' company create bursts of laughter and one great amazing scene.) People are happy when at home (next to being in the company of buddies, enjoying the comforts of being home alone - having your privacy, playing games with unlimited time, reading your favored books and/or movie-marathoning.) Though peace and quiet combined do not always equate to happiness, having the chance to talk to Him while enjoying a beautiful sight, while singing out your heart in praise of Him, when relieved of worries and anxieties you have been solely burdened with are truly blissful moments that could make your day. Happiness comes in various forms, from various sources and it is really all up to us to pick the best one out of the many and bring them out for others to see and feel as well. But though we can't be happy all the time, a promise to smile forever would always do the trick!

GET LOST

(May 22, 2007)

Some people say that you do not know what you have until you lose it. But is really not like that. You always know what you have; you just never thought that you would lose it. I used to live a sheltered life, but fate intervened so here I am, close to being a hermit - living on my own in my 5th residence, miles away from home. Way back in time, I had the love of my life. I always believed that the only future was one with him. I was young then. I could still recall just how painful it was when we tried going our separate ways. We have learned the lesson and promised not to quarrel again, to be more understanding next time, but here I am - alone! I once had a techie gadget more precious than what I wished for, so precious that guarding it with almost my life guaranteed our togetherness forevermore but now it's gone. I remember way back a long time ago when a few very good people made a pact of holding on to each other till the rest of the journey - look now, I am heading for my destination with a company unknown to me before. Life is so amazing that you would believe it could be forever. But God has His way of making us realize that what matters most is that we have loved, and that in this world, it is only He who we could have for everlasting.

TORN APART

(June 3, 2007)

It has been more than a week and I have been torn for almost the same time now. I did not cry. I knew I was strong enough. It breaks my heart seeing Mama disabled. It breaks my heart even more being at home without her. I miss her voice, her whines, her touch. I really miss Mama's tender loving care. I miss her so much. And I miss her more because I know that things are not going to be the same as before. I wish I could have called more often, wish I could have stayed, wish I could have embraced Mama tighter and longer. Mama's not going to be back...and I feel really sorry for Shoti - that he is going through this pain at a young age. It's like he is being forced to mature. I am leaving again soon and it tears me apart all the more. If only Mama could speak, I am sure she will bid for me to stay longer but I know that she will understand - she has always been the understanding kind...

STAGNATION

(August 11, 2007)

Wasted. Fact. Mean. Why is it so hard to understand thyself? Thou hast been so beyond thy worst existence. The Good Man may have some explanation, but being the only and last resort, thine heart desires it least. The present requires of thou to not remain oblivious. Thou hast choices and decisions are deemed essential for the realization of what seems to be so real. Hate thyself, thou shall not. Be patient and kind. In the long run, He shall call for you to come, maybe even without ruptures. Thou shall be prepared. Thou shall be ready to face the Great Judge.

Have you ever been to some-when in time when all you did was lie down and let time pass you by? Or those times when you allowed yourself to be idle and just let boredom get the best of you? Well, those are perfect moments for stagnation. Welcome aboard! Deep in my heart though, I long for a spark. I want to act. I want to do something worthwhile but even "mind over matter" is not functional anymore. Maybe my sane mind has given up long ago...and without that spark, my heart may stop beating soon. i know I am doomed. But what can I do? Surely, I need help. But from what and from whom? I have no idea...ugh! Remember what He said about serving to be happy? Yeah, oh yeah! Maybe that is why I am not happy. Maybe I need to serve...oh my mind's failing me...beat oh heart...and do not ever cease...

Wishing you faith that someone in everyday there will be warm and peaceful moments for you to cherish...

Wishing you hope to hold to in bad times and encouragement with every sign of progress...

Wishing you love to surround you every minute, every hour, everyday...